This is the time when all things start to become sour.
When people start to take the time only to bond with each other since its graduation season. High school to be exact. The end of youth. The beginning of maturity. But, is every graduate happy? Am I happy?
I am not.
I’m getting depressed thinking what to do in these times. There’s that voice in my head telling me to be with her and tell her the things I loved about her. She’ll rebut, “I’m not worth it for you.”, but babe you are so perfect in my eyes that I’m the one that’s not worth it for you. Tell me more of what we did last year. Be my sunshine that gave me hope than to sulk in the dark. Ask me if I’m listening to your childish phrases that melts my 4-year old heart. I hated it that we became sour in just five months, we aren’t even in a relationship yet, it hurts so much. Music and memories help me get over you but, I’m too much in love with you. Can I have one more chance. This time I want to make it last. I’m in no rush darling. I want both of us to succeed. I want you back. Be mine. Cherish the best out of life with me. I want to be with you forever. My love I won’t let go of you.
Then the voice shouts at me, “ What about your friends? Won’t you miss them?” I went to their classrooms, with a messy interior to boot. One shouted that if we could go to a nearby internet cafe and play some games, we agreed and played until five in the afternoon like every afternoon since eleventh grade. I remembered how we drink at night. How we call our girls. It pains me how all of us got quite distant this year even if we’re all together. We’re all brothers, spread through this country, in different universities and colleges, though far you made it home. I’m distant to you now. I’m just an acquaintance.
I’m no schizophrenic. The voices are all fiction but… is she fiction too?
Ah, too many I questions I ask myself. I’m more confused. Too many sweet messages from people who broke me and will break me. Which one will save me. I’ve had too many failed romances and coming back to you, I wish there’s no failure now and I want you in my heart, life, and bed. To my friends and “friends”, I salute some of you, who helped me rise up in grave times, and to those who knocked me down, I expect a worse downfall for you. In no way I’m going to bring that. Let Him give you what you deserve.
Graduation. A painful event. Depressing. Heartbreaking.
All smiles. No kisses. No hugs. All photos. No “I’m proud of you son.” No “I love you’s.” All fake and and no honesty. I hated graduating, especially now.
It gave me problems heartbreak can solve. I healed my wounds when my heart is still bleeding. It is more pain and sorrow, than to rejoice, bask in the honor we’ve been given. There’s no real honor. We’re experiments. Only to be judged by society in 10 years. To succeed? To fail? To love? To sell drugs? To marry? To preach? To teach?
Now, college is approaching. Still stuck in love. Betrayed by friends. Choked by family. Burned by society. Where will I put myself in this society?
Her.
Though far, I’m still arms reach for you. And you? Galaxies far from me. This isn’t easy. But I can make it. Cheers to life, cheers to you, cheers to us darling.
