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During the past few months after I celebrated my twenty-first birthday, I have been thinking a lot.

Was I lied to?

Now that I’m practically an adult right now, I’d still hold on to childish fantasies and childish hobbies, childish thoughts, immature, and selfish. Am I really that person I was called to be years ago?

Mentioned as promising, gifted, talented. Yet I grew to be none of those things.

Was everything made too easy before to be hard today? I was made to feel like I was better at everyone, but today everyone works harder than me, gets smarter than me, is better than me. It feels like those words of encouragement before were all lies that made to boost my ego. Therefore making me lose focus in hard work and efficiency.

Maybe that is why I am pretty much alone, almost friendless, and is depressed.

Spiraling.

Confusing, disorienting.

And here I am again thinking of you again,
reader, I’m talking about you,
I have no idea if you’ll read this.

It’s back,
Why can’t I move on?

I need a wake-up call. Again.

Why do I still have it?

Days that go on like an unending week,
Time dilates as if an hour is a day’s worth of stress,
How can I imagine if time with you can stretch long,
Now that’s deal I’d always take.

Pagkakataon, mga oras na binigay ng Diyos,
Mga oras na bumibigay ng desisyon,
Panahong ikabubuo o ikasisira mo,
Oras na pagsisisihan mo,
Alaalang mananakit sa’yo

Bakit?

Natakot ka, at hindi kita masisisi,
Hindi naman masama pero,
Sana sinabi ko nalang din.

Ang tahimik ng sansinukob ngayon,
Bakit nawawala ang mga talanyo,
Na parang sila’y ninakaw ng araw,
Nais ba ni Sol maghari pati sa dilim ng gabi,
Paano ito nahahayaan ni Luna prinsesang marikit.

Talaga bang tinatangi ni Luna si Sol,
Na sa bawat yapak niya, ang dalaga ay kinikilig,
Itong si Sol na binatang makisig,
Ang puso’y dalisay sa kabila ng mga halakhak.

Dumadalaw lang pala ang binata,
Sa bawat bukang-liwayway at takipsilim,
Ang magkasintahan nagkikita,
May ilang minuto ang dalawa umiindak,
Sa tugtugin ng daigdig nating kumukundiman.

Ang mga batang ito na sa pag-ibig nila’y sumilakbo,
Parang mga tutang humahabol sa bahaghari,
Itong magkasintahang madiskarte,
Sa kabila ng oras nilang napakaunti,
Ang mundo’y napapatingala, na parang may himala.

Sa kabila ng lahat,
Ang dalawa’y magpapaalam,
At isa sa kanila ang magbabantay,
Liliwanag sa tao, sa oras na itinakda ni Tadhana.

Matagal na akong naglalakbay
Sa mga bayan na walang kulay
Mga lugar na walang tao
At mga liwasang walang buhay

Matagal na akong naghahanap
Sa isang taong partikular
Maliit ang taas, makulay ang boses
Hinahanap ko ang ligaya

Ilang taon na ba ako naglalakad
Dito sa daigdig na wala ka
Itong maliit na malintala
Pilit hinahap ka

Nagdadapit-hapon na
Ako’y napapagod pa
Ngunit ang puso ko’y ayaw
Na sa dilim ay isusuko ka

Walang inaasahang bukas
Wala na ding gasolina
Hindi ko pala alam
Ito na ang aking huling hininga

Nawa’y ang aking kaluluwa
Na umalis sa aking katawang-lupa
Ay huwag sumuko
At pilit pang maghanap

Isn’t it unfair
That fate would see
Us like this
Weak and tired
Running away from the abyss

In what this human is
Filled with doubt
Full of fear
Trying to break free of all evil within
Only to stop and get eaten on the way

( p. I’ll hold on

The feeling of short bliss
Followed with a dose of peace of mind
And seeing you beside me
Quiet and staring into the void

Some things I don’t want to change
A ton of days I’d wish to spend with you
In this breezy silent home
That which you let me rest upon

Playing songs you don’t know
But what I feel has filled the room with meaning
Emotions that one can’t speak easy
I hope you listen to the lyrics that speak for me

And second after second
Fills my heart with joy
That I’m here nearby
And is never going to…

Rest and relaxation
A very rare event
Its the one thing I’d always loved
Aside from the karaoke rents

Sitting down a comfy couch
Talking about nothing
Listening to soft indie tunes
Feels like the one real home

Simple and quiet
This silent session we hold
Therapeutic and climactic
Tensions lowering, minds are calming
Feels like a lottery jackpot

The ambiance which is priceless
Looking for more of these
When our minds just pass by time
For people who find the calm in the people they hold dear.

( p. This silence makes me feel like I’m healing beside you)

I wish I can tell you
I love you
Every single day

I hope I can see you
Walking down the aisle
And I’m the guy waiting for you my bride

I cannot think of anything
Any thing that can hurt you
Except for my poems that cut through your heart

I promise I’ll keep you happy
I promise I’ll be with you when you achieve your dreams
I promise we’ll be together till death do us part

I will never love anyone else except for you
I will give you the tightest hugs
I will cook you the most…

Dion

Feelings hidden away, for all to see.

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